


under your skin

by sorrelleaf (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dark, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Violence, super junior and other exo cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7215931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sorrelleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kyungsoo meets jongin in a psychology lecture and falls in love.<br/>it's unfortunate for him that the story isn't quite that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	under your skin

**Author's Note:**

> a few years back, i wrote exo fic.  
> recently i remembered this one and decided to play around with editing it  
> wanted to change it to shinee then decided it was fine as is.  
> reposting on a whim~

jongin watches kyungsoo eat a piece of chicken, agile fingers picking segments of meat from between small bones, until all that is left is clean shining white bone, patches of red marring it where the meat wasn't quite cooked.

kyungsoo looks up and smiles at him from across the table, lifted cheeks and curved eyelids, and jongin smiles back.

~~

they first meet when jongin rushes late headlong in the seat next to kyungsoo at the first social psychology lecture at their university. 'hi,' he whispers out of the corner of his mouth, 'did i miss anything?' 

'hi,' kyungsoo whispers back, 'not much, just the typical introductory stuff.' 

'thanks,' jongin grins a little crooked smile his way, and kyungsoo's heart makes an unfamiliar jump-skip-hop. 

'you're welcome,' he responds easily.

kyungsoo peers at jongin from behind his lashes throughout the lecture, watching as he very carefully takes down notes, his hands lifting ever so often to brush hair from his eyes. his face is a handsome one, arrogant almost, sharp nose and high forehead. kyungsoo thinks class would be kind of cool, with eyecandy like this.

'hi, i'm jongin,' he says, when lecture adjourns for a short break, with a lazy tilt of his head.

kyungsoo introduces himself with a small shy smile. 

they talk for the remaining five minutes or so, and kyungsoo finds out that jongin is majoring in both economics and business. 'wow,' kyungsoo marvels, 'you're quite smart then?' 

jongin makes a face, 'no, not really, just got lucky. i really want to dance though, but my parents don't think it's a viable option.'

'join the club,' kyungsoo quips, 'i want to sing, but my parents think i need a degree first; psychology seemed a good choice as any other.'

jongin is taking the psychology module 'for fun!' and kyungsoo squints at the proclamation. 'ha, it's probably less fun than you think.'

'bet it'll be fun with you though,' jongin drawls. kyungsoo can feel his cheeks heat up but he rolls his eyes and turns away, almost but not quite hiding the smile playing on his lips.

~~

classes are fun with jongin, it's nice to have a friend in class, someone to rant about homework with, about crazy lecturers, gossip about classmates. university is big and sprawling and lonely, and having jongin is a little bit like comfort.

jongin likes to doodle on kyungsoo's notes, random emoticons sketched in the middle of sentences. when kyungsoo looks over and glares, jongin would cast him a sad puppy look and any irritation would disappear in the droop of his mouth. 'you're annoying,' he'd complain, without any bite. 'i'm bored,' jongin would reply, 'let's skip the rest of the lecture. 

kyungsoo usually never listens to jongin's pleas of truancy though, and gets used to random pokes in his side and unhappy mutterings from his left.

'you're mean,' jongin scribbles on the margin of kyungsoo's neatly formatted notes. kyungsoo just laughs.

the thing kyungsoo likes most about jongin is the fact that despite his cocky exterior, inside he's sweet and a little shy. it's incongruent and unexpected, having things in common with this very handsome boy. being able to make him laugh and flush and pout. 

they exchange numbers after the third lecture and kyungsoo's inbox slowly fills up with facts of jongin and photos of jongin's day and things jongin finds interesting. they make him smile, and giggle and build a warmth in his chest, where he thinks his heart is located. 

he's smiling down at his phone fondly one day during lunch when baekhyun snatches it from him.

'who is jongin smiley face??' he demands, brows furrowing.

'no one,' kyungsoo mutters, trying to grab the phone back.

'hmmm, this message thread is really long..' jongdae grabs the phone before kyungsoo can take it and looks up mischievously. 'soo, do you have a secret boyfriend?' 

kyungsoo doesn't like the knowing amusement in the arch of jongdae's eyebrows.

'he's just a guy i met at psychology class,' he says. 'that's all.' 

'is that so,' baekhyun comments. 'can we meet him?' 

'whatever for?!' kyungsoo grouses.

'we just want to see the person who makes you smile like that.' jongdae says, almost too casually.

'oh,' kyungsoo says in a tone of soft wonderment. 

he stares down at his food. 'oh.' it's weird that feelings he hasn't quite acknowledged are already branding themselves on his face.

~~

kyungsoo labours over how to ask jongin to join them for lunch.

_ hi, my friends think i have a crush on you and want to meet you. _

_ are you free later? for lunch? my friends want to know who you are.  _

he decides it'll be easier to leave baekhyun and jongdae out of it entirely.

'hey, you wanna eat lunch together later?'

'sure.'

the smile jongin sends him sends sparks up his spine and kyungsoo knows he's caught.

'uhm, we'll be joining a couple of my friends, okay? they're a bit weird.'

when jongin raises an eyebrow and smiles, kyungsoo finds it necessary to repeat himself.

'no really, they are.' 

'okay, i believe you.'

baekhyun makes far too loud a noise of welcome when they near the table. and when they reach, kyungsoo realizes why. 

sehun is sitting rather unhappily at the table, arms crossed. 

'hen-pecked is here waiting for lu, and spoiling my day.' lu is luhan, another of their friends, a little older. sehun is his boyfriend, tall and reserved and cold but in baekhyun's words, completely whipped. 

sehun makes a small growling sound at baekhyun but doesn't make any other reaction.

'oh you must be jongin.' baekhyun's eyebrows do a little dance that kyungsoo suspects he learned from jongdae.

speaking of jongdae. 'where's jongdae?' kyungsoo scans their horizon instead of answering baekhyun.

'with xing somewhere, planning some song composition.' 

baekhyun and jongdae are both music majors, with specialization in vocals. sometimes kyungsoo resents them for that.

'jongin?' sehun looks up and recognition flickers across his face when he catches sight of jongin. 

'hey! you're one of the teachers at the lees' dance studio. i didn't know you came to this school.'

there is a flash of apprehension and rage on jongin's face that disappears almost as quickly. 'oh, hey you go there?'

'yeah, donghae hyung is a good friend of mine.'

sehun and jongin drift off into talk on dance moves, and rhythms and beats, and gossip about the hyungs that own the school, and the various students. kyungsoo watches jongin demonstrate an arm movement to sehun and smiles, a soft affectionate smile that doesn't escape baekhyun's notice. 

'so...?' he tilts his head at jongin.

kyungsoo shrugs, because he doesn't think it's important right now, just watching jongin smile makes him happy.

when a small blonde haired doe-eyed boy touches sehun's shoulders, they go off together and the conversation ends. kyungsoo grins at jongin.

'you didn't tell me you taught dance.'

'didn't think it was important.' jongin scratches his hair and ducks his head and kyungsoo finds it so amusing that he is so easily embarrassed. 

'can i go watch?' 

jongin stares and blinks, then mutters, 'i'll pass you my schedule.'

kyungsoo beams.

baekhyun makes a discreet gagging noise.

~~

friendship moves slowly into something on the line between that and more. they'd spend time together outside of class hours, just the two of them, first just in the canteen then later outside, during the weekends, eating or watching movies or just hanging out getting to know each other. they never quite say what they are, but kyungsoo likes the slow pool of anticipation, the quiet buildup, the frisson through his skin when jongin touches him. 

'doesn't it bother you? not knowing?' baekhyun asks one day.

'i do know,' kyungsoo says quietly, 'sometimes you don't have to say anything.'

~~

one day, jongin slips out too quickly after lecture, slides a piece of paper onto his desk and whispers 'bye'.

on the sheet of paper, in jongin's familiar messy scrawl is a poem.

_ i want to open you up _

_ autopsy your soul _

_ i want your heart and your blood _

_ your bones your skin _

_ and the pulse in your throat  _

_ beating _

_ in tandem with mine _

kyungsoo stares at the words, his mind is a blank and there is a thrilling brilliant hopeful ringing at the back of his head.

he picks up his phone and calls jongin.

'that poem is kind of creepy.'

'oh.' jongin's voice drops. 'did you read the back?'

'back?'

kyungsoo turns the paper around and there is a question, written in careful print. 

_ do you want to be my boyfriend? _

'oh,' kyungsoo breathes, and his heart is loud in his ears.

he can hear jongin's breath over the phone, erratic and unsteady.

'yes.' he murmurs.

'what?' jongin's voice sounds too loud.

'yes.' kyungsoo says again, clear.

he turns a corner and jongin is there, staring into nothing and grinning, phone held to his ear. kyungsoo comes to a stop in front of him and touches his arm. 

'hi,' kyungsoo says softly.

'hi,' jongin whispers back, and he puts away his phone.

they stand there staring at each other and smiling for a long while.

~~

being with jongin isn't very different from being friends with jongin. kyungsoo still gets many many texts, they still go out for movies and dinner, they embark on adventures together, exploring their country. it's strange how beautiful everything familiar seems with jongin beside him.

it's a pretty kind of strangeness to have jongin's arm around him, possessive and tight, a rightness to his mouth near kyungsoo's ear, a glee to the fit of their fingers together. 

the very first time they kiss, jongin traps him against the door, darkness in his eyes, and for a moment kyungsoo feels a sting of fear. then jongin presses hot lips against his and fear is lost to wonder and pleasure, jongin's body close to his. and over and over there is the gorgeous sense of right.

towards the end of the semester, just before exams and assignments eat their lives, baekhyun decides to throw a party. 'last chance to find someone before there's no chance at all!' 

jongdae rolls his eyes. 'you're a  _ freshman, _ ' he reminds him. baekhyun ignores him.

kyungsoo creeps in, hand intertwined with jongin's. he generally hates parties, hates the alcohol and the dancing and the too many people. but with jongin beside him, he thinks he can handle it.

they curl up together in an empty armchair and talk, ignore the babble of the people around. kyungsoo feels warmth spill from the pit of his stomach up his body and he presses lazily into jongin. 

as the night passes, he feels sleepier, a combination of jongin's body and alcohol. he had drunk a lot more than he usually did, encouraged by jongin. 

'i'm sleepy,' he mumbles into jongin's ear.

'sleep then, i'll protect you.' and jongin tugs his head down to fit into the hollow between his neck and shoulder. 

'hmm,' kyungsoo hums, 'i love you,' he remarks casually.

'i love you too,' jongin whispers back, his hand tightening around kyungsoo's waist.

//

there is a list of things that kyungsoo doesn't know about jongin.

  1. meeting jongin wasn't an accident.



on the first day of classes in the second semester of his first year, a body collides with kyungsoo as he walks down the corridor. the papers he is carrying fly and spread over the floor. the stranger apologizes and quickly helps gather the sheets, pushing them quickly into his hands. 

kyungsoo had been too preoccupied to look at the source of the extra pair of hands, and all he remembers is a strong back.

when he sorts everything out later, he realizes his timetable is missing. 

'figures,' he mutters, annoyed, and goes back into the computer room to print another copy.

the stranger was jongin.

  1. jongin isn't a student in their school.



universities are actually rather easy to enter, if someone would pay some mind to it. the only difficult locations are laboratories and the library. and jongin isn't interested in those.

he spends the two days before the first social psychology lecture accustoming himself to the layout of the school, and the specific lecture halls that kyungsoo's classes will be in. 

when kyungsoo enters the room, jongin enters too, and determines where kyungsoo seats himself. five minutes into the lecture, he barrels in and aims for the seat next to kyungsoo.

  1. jongin is a little bit of a psycho.



when jongin is eleven years old, he watches a murder mystery and starts wondering what it feels like to kill someone. 

it's a casual thought, one that many a person would probably have considered, a fleeting curiosity rarely seriously entertained. but jongin is different, jongin is consumed with this need to know. he begins devouring murder mysteries; books, movies, tv series, fiction and non-fiction. he finds out about cutting throats and strangulation and stabbing, about broken necks and hanging and poison, about dismemberment and skinning and mutilation. about blood and gore and bones, segmented limbs tied up in garbage bags, and rotten bodies hidden in trees, about murders in a fit of passion and murder carefully premeditated. 

the first thing he kills is a stray cat. it isn't planned so much as destiny. the cat is trapped in barbed wire near his house, mewing pathetically. he carefully untangles the wire from it, exposing the bleeding wounds where the wire had pierced skin. he carries the cat into the house, intending to save it and then gets another better idea. 

using just a knife is hard, and he isn’t sure how to place his hands or subdue the cat long enough to do what he needs to do. the cat starts fighting desperately once it realizes what is happening, and jongin has claw marks on his face and hands that he has to lie to his parents about. in panic he stabs the cat and then as it lies dying, slowly skins it, tearing flesh from its body until nothing is left but bare bones. the blood on his clothes cannot be washed off and he has to burn them.

later he learns to create aprons out of garbage bags to keep the stain off.

in the years that follow, he practices on cats and then, dogs, training himself to quickly kill and then skin, and later as he gets better, to skin while the animal is still alive.

there is something fascinating about watching blood pouring out of a wound while the heart is still beating. he believes the blood is faster, more fluid because of it. there is something enthralling about watching the warmth of life stolen away by the cold fingers of death. he thinks he can see the point the life light in the eyes of each animal gets snuffed out. it’s addictive. 

blood is black when it’s dried and a beautifully red waterfall when it is gushing. jongin loves blood, redcrimsonscarlet, dripping over his fingers and hands, the distinct smell of copper and steel and iron. but he loves bones more, whitecleanpristinepure. he keeps one bone from each of his animal victims, the tiniest fragment.

sometimes he wonders why no one else seems to want to do this, this delicate operation of taking life. it’s as if the life force of each animal enters him, gives him an otherworldly aura, like he becomes the king of the world. 

there’s a thought somewhere that psychos aren’t made, they’re born. maybe there is a faulty wiring in jongin’s brain, maybe there’s a nerve center that is missing, or an extra hormone. one that makes what he’s becoming acceptable to him.

jongin’s family isn’t very well-off, and his parents spend most of their time at work, double jobs, morning and evening. whatever little time they have left is often spent in exhausted stupor. they have too little time to monitor their son, and as long as he seems content they let him be. 

so jongin has too much time on his own. he doesn’t like to interact with his schoolmates because he has little in terms of disposable cash and he is embarrassed. his consciousness of his lack forms a screen around him, a barrier to friendship. jongin becomes a shadow in school, overlooked and unnoticed. and he is happier for it. 

what jongin  _ does _ like to do is dance. dancing is escapism, when he throws himself into movements and steps and twirls. when he forgets everything but this step, the next step, the beat the rhythm. when he forgets how desperately different he is from his peers; how small his food portions are, how tired his father always is, the deep lines etched into his mother’s face, the hollows and grey shadows of their skin.

when he is sixteen years old, he stops going to school. there isn’t enough money to keep him there, and university is completely out of the question. jongin is good-natured about it, shrugging. not being in school means more time to hone his craft. 

the job at the lees’ dance studio isn’t planned. he is strolling along the street, looking at job opening signs, when he sees one at the studio, for an admin assistant/receptionist/counter staff. he goes in on a whim. 

it’s a shock that he gets the job, but perhaps the two men there can see something in him he cannot see himself. the clawing loneliness. 

they find out he can dance accidentally, his shadow outside the classrooms as he mimics the steps being taught. 

hyukjae teaches him in the downtime of the day, noting mistakes and carefully correcting them.

and within two years, he’s able to be a teacher himself.

for the first time, jongin is learning what it means to be happy. 

he stops killing the cats and the dogs, tries to avoid the magnetic call of the knife hidden under his bed, the restlessness in his limbs. he buries himself in dance, in the friendliness and affection of donghae and hyukjae. 

three years later, he catches sight of kyungsoo walking down the road near the school, and everything unravels.

if psychopaths could fall in love, perhaps that is what jongin does, with kyungsoo’s large eyes and small body, with his voice travelling through the mist of his apathy. 

it isn’t difficult to find out about kyungsoo, to slip in and listen to his conversations with baekhyun and jongdae in the canteen when they first start school. it isn’t difficult to hear the discontent behind kyungsoo’s voice, the slight resentment at his constraints, of not being able to do what he wants to do. it isn’t difficult to find out the majors of all his friends, to pick one that does not coincide with theirs.

universities are big, and even if you know many people, it is impossible to know everyone. universities are anonymous, and if you want to hide you can do that too well. and if you want to listen, and you have a care to listen out carefully for words hidden in the din of the hordes of frustrated young people shouting above one another, you find out things about everyone.

and jongin has a care to listen.

he spends the first semester researching kyungsoo, and the second semester is where everything begins.

~~

jongin wonders if kyungsoo’s bones are as delicate as his limbs, wonders if his blood is just as red as animals, wonders if he’d cry, or scream.

jongin has never killed humans, but he figures it’s apt to start with the one who lights up something unfamiliar in the dim embers of his soul.

~~

when sehun recognizes him, he can see the pieces of his plan fall apart. he doesn’t recognize sehun, is careless about people in general, too narrow a focus. the people of significance are few.

but sehun is a child, knows nothing beyond what is on the surface, cannot see the monster underneath jongin’s eyeballs. he doesn’t think to question. he who knows of jongin behind this farce of a life. and jongin is safe.

~~

the plan completes itself after baekhyun’s party.

//

when kyungsoo wakes up the day after baekhyun’s party, the ceiling looks strange. there’s a single white fan spinning in the center of the peeling dirty white ceiling. the back of his throat feels wooly and dry and his limbs are unusually stiff. he makes to get off the bed to explore this unknown place he has found himself, but can’t seem to move. that’s when he realizes he’s been tied to the bed. 

he is still in a sleep-muddled, confused state and so fear doesn’t quite start rearing its head. and when footsteps harken the approach of someone, he just looks up curiously. 

‘jongin!’ he says, still absurdly happy to see him, despite the rather odd circumstances. it’s amazing what the human brain can choose not to see when it doesn’t want to. 

‘help me! what’s going on?’

when jongin ignores him and reaches under the bed, the first pinpricks of fear reveal themselves to kyungsoo. 

‘jongin? what…?’

the metal knife that reflects the tiny shard of sunlight is enough to turn everything into panic and fear.

there is a eerie stillness in jongin’s face, an unholy sheen over his eyes. he runs the tip of the blade over kyungsoo’s skin and it is cold and horrifying. 

his scream is cut short by duct tape over his mouth.

it takes ten cuts before kyungsoo stops shaking, and ten more before he stops breathing.

_ ~-~ _

 

_ i want to open you up _

_ autopsy your soul _

_ i want your heart and your blood _

_ your bones your skin _

_ and the pulse in your throat _

_ beating _

_ in tandem with mine _

 

_ 'that poem is kind of creepy.' _

 


End file.
